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Amy's Story
Posted Oct 7, 2007

My husband and I have been together for the seven years and were married almost three years ago. We have been trying to have a child for close to four years.

In the past I did not always do things the way that I should have. When I was fifteen I had an abortion knowing that it was a mistake for me to have a child at that time and also knowing that I was too weak to carry the child to term and give him/her up for adoption. I have never recovered from what I did and live with it everyday. At twenty I again got pregnant, I guess I wasn't as careful as I should have been right from the beginning. This time I had a beautiful little girl. She is light of my husbands' and my life. She is now nine years old. However, he adopted her and though he loves her as his own he would love to have a biological child. There is nothing more that I want for myself or him. I love children more than I ever thought that I would. They are the centre of my world. Even my daughters' friends mean so much to me.

Now we have been trying for so long and there has been no results. I have taken clomid for six months and nothing. Everyone says that it is stress but they don't understand what it is like. I feel like my heart is being ripped out every month. I took for granted that it would never be difficult to have another child because in the past it was so easy. I have learned to take nothing for granted. I feel responsible because I had the abortion and in some ways I guess that God is punishing me. However, he could never punish me more than I have already punished myself. I feel like I am letting my husband down too.

After all of the testing we have been told that it is unexplained infertility. I think it would be easier if they told us there was a problem. Then maybe it could be fixed. In less than a week I start the drugs to get the IVF cycle going. If it doesn't work out I know that I will be destroyed. I should find out the results within a day or two of my 30th birthday. I pray everyday that I get the only gift I have prayed for in years. I also pray for all of the people who have tried to have a baby and failed, all the people like me who are still trying and thank God for all of you who were able to concieve.

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