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Carrie's Story
Posted April 3, 2005 -
Written in response to Tanya's story.

I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter who was conceived with donor sperm. My husband had a vasectomy when he was married to his first wife because their son was born with heart problems and his ex-wife had some health problems.

We had two surgeries to try and reverse the vasectomy but neither surgery was successful. We spent $17,000 on surgeries - for nothing.

When we were going through our infertility problems, I never thought about donor sperm. I was thinking we would have to adopt. But then I had two of my best friends take me to lunch one day to talk about donor sperm. They encouraged me to do it because they wanted me to know what it felt like to be pregnant and give birth and all of the joy that goes along with it.

My husband was not overly excited. He had so many fears. And so did I. So, we went to counseling for a couple of months. We talked about everything - all of our fears and our sadness that we would not conceive a child together. I think we needed to actually grieve for a while. But, I felt like if we were both willing to adopt a child that was not biologically related to either of us, then why shouldn't we feel the same or even better about having the child biologically related to one of us? And it was so much less expensive. We had already spent so much money on surgeries, etc.

So, I was ready to move forward. I was excited about getting pregnant and having a baby. And I was ready. But he was still worried. Worried that our child would think differently of him than me. Worried about what people would think, etc. But, we went through with the process. We picked out a donor that looked like my husband. I really let him make the decision. I was there, of course, but I wanted him to feel important.

On the day that we went to the clinic for the insemination, my husband held my hand the entire time and we prayed and talked about "our" baby! At that moment we truly knew that we were creating a child together. Maybe not the conventional way that most people do, but we were creating this child together. When we got home from the clinic, we made love. Not to get pregnant, but to sort of end the day with a beautiful moment.

I got pregnant on the first try. I was so happy. And I had a wonderful pregnancy. We have a beautiful daughter and I will never regret our decision. I truly believe that she was created for a reason - a purpose. WE created her - together - because we wanted her so badly. If we had not conceived her exactly the way we did, I would not have her, just the way she is.

My husband has been madly in love with her since the moment she was born. He realized that she is HIS child - no matter what - forever. And they are so close. He coaches her softball team and they have so much fun together. She is such a blessing in our lives and he is so happy that we made the decision to use donor sperm. Without it, we might still be childless and missing out on this beautiful child in our lives.

I hope that your husband will find a way to accept this. He will never regret it - I assure you. He may have a few fears but it will be worth everything once he holds his baby in his arms for the first time.

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