Posted April 3, 2005 - Written
in response to Tanya's
I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter
who was conceived with donor sperm. My husband had a
vasectomy when he was married to his first wife because
their son was born with heart problems and his ex-wife
had some health problems.
We had two surgeries to try and reverse
the vasectomy but neither surgery was successful. We
spent $17,000 on surgeries - for nothing.
When we were going through our infertility
problems, I never thought about donor sperm. I was thinking
we would have to adopt. But then I had two of my best
friends take me to lunch one day to talk about donor
sperm. They encouraged me to do it because they wanted
me to know what it felt like to be pregnant and give
birth and all of the joy that goes along with it.
My husband was not overly excited. He
had so many fears. And so did I. So, we went to counseling
for a couple of months. We talked about everything -
all of our fears and our sadness that we would not conceive
a child together. I think we needed to actually grieve
for a while. But, I felt like if we were both willing
to adopt a child that was not biologically related to
either of us, then why shouldn't we feel the same or
even better about having the child biologically related
to one of us? And it was so much less expensive. We
had already spent so much money on surgeries, etc.
So, I was ready to move forward. I was
excited about getting pregnant and having a baby. And
I was ready. But he was still worried. Worried that
our child would think differently of him than me. Worried
about what people would think, etc. But, we went through
with the process. We picked out a donor that looked
like my husband. I really let him make the decision.
I was there, of course, but I wanted him to feel important.
On the day that we went to the clinic
for the insemination, my husband held my hand the entire
time and we prayed and talked about "our"
baby! At that moment we truly knew that we were creating
a child together. Maybe not the conventional way that
most people do, but we were creating this child together.
When we got home from the clinic, we made love. Not
to get pregnant, but to sort of end the day with a beautiful
I got pregnant on the first try. I was
so happy. And I had a wonderful pregnancy. We have a
beautiful daughter and I will never regret our decision.
I truly believe that she was created for a reason -
a purpose. WE created her - together - because we wanted
her so badly. If we had not conceived her exactly the
way we did, I would not have her, just the way she is.
My husband has been madly in love with
her since the moment she was born. He realized that
she is HIS child - no matter what - forever. And they
are so close. He coaches her softball team and they
have so much fun together. She is such a blessing in
our lives and he is so happy that we made the decision
to use donor sperm. Without it, we might still be childless
and missing out on this beautiful child in our lives.
I hope that your husband will find a
way to accept this. He will never regret it - I assure
you. He may have a few fears but it will be worth everything
once he holds his baby in his arms for the first time.