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Donna's Story
updated Sept 29, 2006

This letter is dedicated to you, my child...

When I was just 16, I knew I was ready. It was then that I took responsibility for what might, if only by mistake, happen... and I knew, I was certain, that even if the time was wrong, I would always be ready for you, my child...

The years went by and I met your father. My dream became more and more real... First we waited for me to grow up a bit, then to get married, to settle down, to find a job...

All that time you were with me... I saw you. I felt you... I imagined your grandparents, aunts and uncles deciding who you look like... I thought through the pre-birth fears and imagined your terrified father trying to be a hero for my sake during the birth... I pictured taking turns waking up at night, nursing you... I considered whether I should go back to work after three months... and decided I want to spend more time with you...

I laughed your first laugh and felt sorry for the poor dog whose ears you pulled and whose tail you kept trying to catch....

But it was all in my head, my heart and my soul and years of expectation came to a shattering end in a single moment.

.....

Now, when 10 years have gone by since the day I found out, I busy myself mostly with doctors and tests, shots and ampules, egg retrieval and embryo transfer... clinics and hospitals...

And you... I dream about you late at night, when it's dark and quiet. Silently, you sneak into my thoughts... making my eyes damp, my heart ache and my breath heavy...

And you... I dream about you now...

Update from Sept 29, 2006

Donna wrote this week to say that just a few months after she wrote this letter she found herself pregnant... with twins. Her boys are now 8 months old and she and her husband could not be happier.

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