It took me a long time to get pregnant.
When I eventually did, with the help of ikaclomin (clomid),
I had several miscarriages. Eventually, I did indeed
give birth, after a long painful journey.
Now that we are ready for another baby, I had so hoped
that maybe the second time around things might just
be easier but once again I am on ikaclomin -- after
waiting a year for it to happen naturally and now too
I am waiting and only hope that it'll happen soon.
Throughout this impatient wait of ours, my husband
and I have decided to try to use this time and disappointment
to our benefit. I know that in the end I will conceive
and have another wonderful baby, - but until then I
don't just want to waste my time on being sad and depressed.
I believe that we can use this time and this difficult
experience to grow, both as a couple and as individuals.
I don't want to look back on this time and feel that
all I did was cry and get frustrated. Instead, I would
like to transform this hardship into something positive.
It is strange that three of the great foremothers of
the Jewish people – Sarah, Rebecca and Rachel
all had fertility problems....but they chose to develop
themselves through their pain and when they did finally
have children (Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph), these children
become the greatest people in Jewish history and are
recognized as true tzadikim (righteous men). I believe
that I too will have special children, but I must better
myself and be the special parent who is worthy of bearing
such a child. Therefore, throughout our pain we have
chosen things to improve on, there's no shortage of
ways to improve... Whether it involves giving more charity,
being more helpful to others, or trying to gossip less...
and the list goes on... we continue to try to just become
I once learned that if someone else has the same problem
as you, that if you pray for them - you will be rewarded
with what you request. There are many women out there
who are having fertility problems and I believe that
if each of us says a prayer for the other, we will all
be blessed with beautiful children and we will have
become better people.