Posted January 6, 2006 (last update Jan
My story begins five years ago. On December
31st, 2000, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at
35 weeks. She was instantly rushed to the NICU. The
next day the doctors informed us that our daughter,
Logan, was born with a severe form of Myotonic Dystrophy.
We had never heard of this disease and as it turns out,
my daughter inherited the mutated gene from me. I didn't
even know I had the disease. Logan had the illness so
severly that she could not breathe on her own. She died
at 5-and-a-half weeks.
Since Logan we have tried several cycles of IVF.
We were not infertile but we did want to avoid having
another child with the disease so we tested eggs to
only implant the ones that were free of the illness.
I have a 50% chance of passing this disease on to another
offspring. After one miscarriage and two failed cycles
using IVF, I was diagnosed as infertile. I had some
surgery which didn't help my infertility, but did allow
me to do another cycle. I became pregnant but miscarried
Now we have begun our research on egg
donation. For me this is a very difficult decision.
I have had a child that was biologically mine and my
husband's, now she is gone and having another child
that is ours genetically, is impossible. I do know that
I want children and as it goes, this seems the best
way of having one but... I have so many questions. My
husband doesn't understand. I read another story that
mentioned both being "on the same playing field."
It is so true. In some ways I feel jealous of my husband
that this is his child and not mine. Will I be jealous
of this baby because of my husbands' love for him or
her and it isn't even part of me but part of another
woman? What if one day my baby wants to meet their "real"
I was wondering if anyone out there has been in this
same situation - having and losing and then turning
to egg donation?
I wonder about your experience and if you had any of
the same questions. Please help
me if you can.
To all of those who donate their eggs to women like
me I praise you for your strength and generousity. Hopefully
one day you can help me - when I get this all clear
in my head.
Response - posted Feb 13, 2006
Gina, I have tried for quite some time to have a baby.
Finally this year my husband and I turned to IVF.
Unfortunately, at 35, I am experiencing early menopause
& early ovarian failure. I have no eggs left. My
only option is to turn to an egg donor. I, like you,
am really struggling with this.
I don't feel like it would be "my" child
even though without me it wouldn't have life. Will I
feel left out & have to watch a different type of
relationship develop between them & my husband because
they are a biological family and I'm not? I feel very
confused, hurt & cheated (I just found out last
week of my infertility so its pretty hard to cope with)
so I know I have a lot more thinking to do but it's
comforting to know I'm not alone.
I guess we both have to think about what the most
important thing to us is - how the child got here or
just being able to develop this child & have that
bond that only you can have with a child that you carry
for 9 months even if it's not biologically yours...
I wish you luck with your decision & hope that you
can make peace with whatever decision you make.
I too would like to thank egg donors for the amazing
gift to those of us who are unable to create these little
miracles on our own. I hope to become strong enough
to make the right decision.
Response - posted March
Gina, I like you have all those feelings of what if.
However, if you have a strong bond with your husband,
then these feelings should not be a problem. I am now
embarking, at 46, on the egg donation course. After
a 3yr wait for an egg donor, I am now at the top of
I think sometimes it is because of these feelings that
I have not tried more actively to get a donor of my
own. However, although not desperate for a child, after
years of IVF and ectopic pregnancies I thought in the
last 3yrs I had finally come to terms with the knowledge
that if I have a child it would not be biologically
mine. Unfortunately though, since I am now going to
attempt an egg donation cycle a lot of feelings old
and new have come to the fore.
Me and my husband have been together for 13yrs and
married for 9 and have a wonderful loving relationship
and have to say he has not once made me feel I should
do this solely for him. When this chance of an egg donor
came up he left the decision up to me as he didn't want
me to feel pressured and tried hard to reassure me that
if I decided not to go throught with it that it wouldn\'t
make any difference to what we have.
Our love is such that I really believe him. However,
realistically how could I be the person who comes between
him and the only chance left of him having a child that
he could also pass on his blood line? Apart from that,
he feels that we would both make great parents and have
a whole new way of developing our lives. It is this
that has made my mind up to go ahead and I know deep
down that the love I share with him can only be passed
on in a positive way to the child, if we are lucky enough
to have a successful implantation.
I am sure, Gina, that the bond that you forge with
the new child will be just as strong as any biological
mother bond if not more so because of all the effort,
pain and tears you have both had to endure to get there.
So, good luck.
I too admire and applaud wholeheartedly the egg donors
altruism and generosity more than could be written down
here and I thank you all for making so many other women's
lives so happy and fullfilling again.
Response - posted 7 Dec 2008
Hi Gina, I am from England, and I have just been reading
your story, and feel I totally understand how you feel.
When I was four I was diagnosed with a rare type of
cancer, it had spread around my pelvis, which left the
doctors no choice but to give me huge doses of radiation
and chemotherapy. They did this and I survived, unfortunately
it severly damaged my ovaries and when I was 14 I was
told I had entered the menopause, as the ovary function
was so low. When I was 23 I found out I was pregnant
by some miracle. I couldnt believe it. I never moved
for the four weeks I knew I was pregnant. Whe I was
10 weeks I went for my ultrasound scan and I was told
my baby had died. I couldnt believe it.
It happened once again a few years later. The IVF
clinic wouldnt even try to use my own ovaries as they
said the function was so poor. I was devastated. At
only 26 you expect to beable to have a baby of your
own. You certainly dont expect to be in the menopause.
When I was 21, my partner and I went onto the ovum
donation list at our local hospital but were told the
wait would be around 3 years, we were so upset. Unfortunately
we have been waiting almost 6 years now and still there
was no sign. My friend who knew about our situation,
contacted me and offered to donate some of her eggs.
I was over the moon, but also very scared, as I so wanted
a child of our own and this really hit home that it
was never going to happen. If we couldn't have a biological
child of our own, I would really have preferred an egg
from a stranger. As I am CMV Neg, my chance of receiving
an egg from a stranger was slim to none. My friend went
to get her tests done and I couldnt believe it when
she was CMV Neg also, as apparently the population is
I am really excited but so, so scared. I am so worried
that when our child is born, my partner will see it
as his baby, and will use it sometime in the future.
I am so worried about it, but in the same breath am
so excited as I have wanted a child since I was a child,
and can't believe, it is starting to move in the right
direction. My uterus is not quite ready as it shrunk
when i was not taking my tablet properly. I think it
will take about two more years to get back to normal
size, if it ever does. I can see your concerns, and
also share them. I have not given birth to a baby, but
have carried two, maybe three, as they think I may have
misscarried again but it was not diagnosed by the hospital
only me with a pregnancy test. I feel sick with worry.
I am also so worried about the donor, as she is having
trouble concieving, with her partner as he has had the
SNIP. I am so worried that if she doesnt actually get
pregnant with her partner, will she look at my baby
as hers. I am soooo scared and dont know how or what
Good Luck with your Egg donation I wish you more luck
than I have had. A child is the most precious thing
in the world, and it shouldn't matter where it comes
from, you will love it no matter what. If you have this
beautiful baby looking up at you, needing you. You wont
be able to help yourself loving it. I'm sure of that,
you sound like a very nice woman and would make a fantastic
Response - posted 28 Jan 2011
I completely understand your pain and am so sorry for
your loss. My husband and I struggled with PCOS-driven
infertility. We were blessed in 2009 with a sweet little
boy, Ryan. At the time, we did not know that I had DM1*.
Ryan was diagnosed with the congenital form 3 weeks
after he was born. He had other problems as well, and
we lost him when he was 7 1/2 months old. We debate
back and forth whether or not we even want to look at
other options regarding children, knowing what the worst
can be. The only concern I would give you regarding
donated eggs is that I donated eggs when I was in college,
not knowing I was sick, and DM1 is not something they
test for. I hope you and your husband are able to find
something that works for you. I know the joy that having
a child brings to your life, regardless of that child's
health. Children are a blessing; all children.
Best of luck,
*DM1 refers to Myotonic Dystrophy type 1, a multisystem
disorder that can be mild or severe. See more information