Posted February 13,
My husband and I planned to have children
right away. We thought it would happen on our honeymoon.
After a few months of trying and not becoming
pregnant I made a trip to see my Gynecologist. She did
many blood tests as well as other invasive tests and
came up with nothing getting in the way of us getting
pregnant, so we continued counting each cycle from the
begging to ovulation, hoping and praying that that cycle
would be the magic one that would bring our dreams to
reality. Before we knew it, the months turned into years.
That was a very trying time for me. I could not understand
why this was happening to me. I felt so much guilt and
failure. I went to the Internet and searched for knowledge
on infertility. Alex felt it was bad for me to dwell
on what might not even be a problem. I got involved
in an infertility forum and sought guidance and support
from fellow infertile women. I formed a tight bond with
a few of the women whom I hope to stay in touch with
forever. They were like soul sisters to me.
We then were advised by another gynecologist
to see a specialist, A Reproductive Endocrinologist.
We found The Center For Reproductive Care in Exeter.
After counseling with the doctor we decided to pursue
our infertility issue more aggressively. We went to
injectable drugs so that I would produce more than one
egg during a cycle so that our chances of becoming pregnant
would be greater. Alex learned how to give me the injections
and it pained him as much as me with every injection.
We then went on to artificial insemination, better known
as *IUI (Intrauterine insemination). We did 4 cycles
of these with no positive outcome. My doctor said I
would have no choice but to undergo exploratory surgery
to see what was going on. I had surgery in May of 2001.
There was scar tissue on my uterus that the doctor cleaned
up in surgery and by June on 2001, I was pregnant.
You can not believe the incredible JOY we felt after
over 2-1/2 years of trying. I began spotting by the
6th week of pregnancy. I was told not to worry about
it. We had our first ultrasound on August 1st and everything
looked good. The baby had a strong heartbeat. We were
so overcome with joy to see our little baby. The little
heartbeat was flickering so fast and hard. Then 3 days
later the spotting picked up and changed in color. We
were so scared but tried to stay positive. Well, our
baby died August 6, 2001 at 9-1/2 weeks. Our hearts
were broken in two! I know I will never be the same
after this loss. I will grieve that baby for the rest
of my life.
After a few months of physical healing we decided to
pursue treatments again. We were pregnant again in November
2001. This turned out to be a chemical pregnancy and
my period started a week later.
Well, now we were feeling desperate. My age was definitely
getting in the way by this time. After much discussion
we decided to go for broke and try a cycle of **IVF
(In-vitro fertilization). February 17, 2002 I started
the injectable drugs. February 25th with 8 follicles
(eggs) to work with, we were off to Brigham & Womens
Hospital in Boston to aspirate the folicles and join
the ova with Alex's sperm. Well, 6 out of the 8 ova
fertilized. That is much less than we had hoped to be
working with. February 28th we went back to Boston for
the transfer of the embryos, by this time only 5 embryos
were good. Alex named them "eany, meany, miny,
mo, and catcha. We had to make fun with it to get through
it. March 13 I got a positive test and the numbers were
very high and climbing higher all the time. We went
for an ultrasound on March 25th. We had twins!! I had
wanted twins my whole life. It was a dream come true.
Within just a few days things went down hill and I lost
both of the babies that same week. At this point we
were trying to decide whether to give up or not. I did
not think I could ever go through another miscarraige
again. I did get through this miscarriage much easier
than the first one but the feelings of hopelessness
had creeped in. We did know that we did not want to
go through another IVF cycle again.
After 3 more months of healing physically and still
not really 100% sure if after spending over 3-1/2 years
trying to get pregnant I had it in me to just give up.
We decided to do one more cycle of IUI as I just could
not go through another IVF for financial and emotional
reasons. This time we tried a VERY aggresive drug cycle.
I asked the RE if I could use the drug protocol for
an IVF cycle for an IUI cycle and he agreed. On July
16th I went in for a blood test and I was pregnant again.
The HCG levels were nice and high. I was definitely
guarding my heart at this point. I refused to get my
hopes up. I just spent every day waiting for the spotting
to start and it never did.
On August 6th, exactly 1 year from the death of our
first precious baby, we went in for an ultrasound. You
can imagine the fear I felt. I tried so hard to have
hope that the heart would be beating and that we would
see our baby but I had those old visions in my mind
from that day, one year ago. We did see a heart beat
and our baby. PTL! but at the same time I was still
so fearful. I refused to fall in love with this baby
at this point. I had to trust that the Lord is in control
and I had to just have FAITH!
We made it! Our dreams came true!
Check out our babies web site. http://www.trentwebdesign.com/noah/firstyearindex.html