Nov 30, 2005 - Last updated Aug 13, 2007
I just turned 36 on Nov 18th, my husband
and I have been married for over 8 years and have been
trying for the last 4 years to get pregnant. We started
going to a center for reproductive care almost 2 years
ago. After 2 failed hsg's (hysterosalpingograms)
it was determined that my tubes were blocked.
In June of 2004 we went into Boston MA
to Brigham and Womens Hospital to have my tubes opened
up. It was a success! Both tubes were unblocked. My
husband and I were elated! We waited for 2 cycles before
we began a try for a chlomid (clomid) cycle. We thought
this is it! The tubes are unblocked, your sperm is fine
my tubes are fine, parenthood here we come! How wrong
We tried cycle after cycle, timed intercourse,
trigger shots, blood samples and ultrasounds... my head
was swimming. My body reacted great to the clomid the
follicles looked great but then poor timing and oops
you already ovulated.
Oops?? Are you kidding me? Another cycle
gone. Baseline on the next cycle and oh sorry you have
a cyst let's wait 'til next month... How easy it is
for everyone to say, "OK, let's try next month".
In the world of infertility, a month is forever! To
have a wasted cycle?! The thought of it crushed us.
More failed attempts and then our Dr.
(intrauterine insemination). We are self-pay, unfortunately
our insurance does not cover IUI or IVF
(in vitro fertilization). We decided to give it
a shot. Twice. We tried once in July of 2005 and then
again in August of 2005. Neither attempt was successful.
By this time my husband and I are thinking
we should invest in pregnancy tests the way we buy them
and hope and pray and squint and search for any faint
hint that there might be a plus sign or that other line
we so desperately are hoping to find is there. We never
thought it would be like this. We are good people, have
lots of friends, don't drink or do drugs, have great
families yet can't get pregnant.
In the time we have been going to the
fertility clinic and in the year of 2004 alone 4 of
my close girlfriends got pregnant and now have beautiful
babies.The pain I see in my husband's eyes and the pain
I feel I would not wish upon my most worst enemy. What
do you say when your friend says, "Guess what?
I'm pregnant!"? You say how happy you are for them
and then when you get home you cry yourself to sleep.
We know the routine, it's all too familiar.
In October 2005 we spoke with our Dr.
to see what our next step would be. He suggested IVF.
Self pay, injections, lots of bloodwork and many ultrasounds
later we drove into Boston to have my 15+, great looking
follicles aspirated. We only got 3 eggs.
I was beside myself. What are the chances
of a successful IVF with only 3 eggs to work with? What
about all my great looking follicles? Only 3 eggs? I
asked the nurse to go make sure, maybe it was 13 not
3, there must be a mistake? No mistake 3 eggs that's
it. We went home deflated but tried to keep hopeful.
The next day we were called and unbelievably we were
told all 3 eggs fertilized. We were over the moon! This
was a sign! This is it! We waited for 2 more long days
to go back for the transfer, it was Thursday, Nov 17th
- the day before my 36th birthday. Could this be the
ultimate birthday present I would be receiving? The
3 embryos looked almost perfect the Dr. told us. After
a discussion it was decided to transfer only 2 embryos.
I was given a picture of the two that were transfered
and told that they were rated (quality wise) as a 7
and an 8. The next day I got a birthday card from my
husband that said To Mommy I love you and Happy Birthday
Love 7 and 8. I laughed and cried and we hugged and
Well today is Nov 30th, it is Wednesday
and we go for a blood test on Friday Dec 2nd to see
if there really will be a little 7 or 8 arriving in
9 months. It goes without saying that the last 12 days
have been difficult to say the least. I have cried more
in the last 12 days than my entire lifetime I think.
This just has to work! We can't afford another IVF cycle
for a while and I am not getting any younger. But all
I can do is hope and wait. That unfortunately seems
to be the story of your life when you have infertility
problems, Hope and Wait.
Update - Dec. 2, 2005
Test results for our IVF cycle. Negative,
Update - June 25, 2006
We finally got insurance/coverage for
ivf. It took a
while but in April 2006 we got coverage. Today is actually
June 25th 2006 and I am pleased to say I got 2 embryos
We started with birth control pills then
they switched my medication to gonal-f and repronex.
They retrieved 8 eggs this time and 6 fertilized which
is a much better response than last time. Today they
transfered 2 embryos and 2 weeks from Monday we will
I must say this time around I am much
more calm, as is my husband. I think a lot of it is
knowing that we are not paying for this ourselves. How
wonderful it was getting my box full of medication delivered
right to my doorstep and only having to pay a small
co-pay. It certainly does take a lot of pressure off
of us. So now the wait begins. Everyone keep your fingers
Update - July 7, 2006
I was implanted with 2 embryos on sunday
June 25th and the pregnancy test was scheduled for monday,
July 10th. Around July 3rd, just 1 week after the embryo
transfer, I noticed some pain in my belly and a really
bloated feeling. I figured that I was probably getting
ready to get my period and that the ivf
cycle didnt work. I called the dr and was told to come
in that they think I have hyperstimulation - it's when
your body tries to replace the fluid that was drained
out of your follicles and it contines to "leak"
out of the punctures and into your belly.
They performed an ultrasound and took
blood for tests. The dr told me to go home and not to
work for a few days, to take it easy, drink lots of
fluid etc. and that he would call later with the results.
Later that day (Thursday July 6th 2006) the dr's office
called. "Yes, you have hyperstimulation but thats
not all... YOU'RE PREGNANT too!" It seems that
when you go thru ivf and become pregnant it stimulates
the ovaries and it is quite common to see hyperstimulation
in the patients that become pregnant. When the nurse
made the call to let me know the good news she confessed
that 3 of the nurses in the office had a very stong
feeling I was pregnant because of the ultrasound results,
even before the blood test came back as positive. Now
the wait begins for the first 3 months to pass so we
can tell everyone the great news.
I do still hope everyone keeps their fingers
crossed for us but this time for a healthy pregnancy
and a healthy baby. Thank you for reading and sharing
in my story. Next update...will it be a boy or a girl?
Update - July 17, 2006
After finding out I am pregnant on July
6th, I went back for an ultrasound today, to confirm
where the embryo has implanted - to make sure its in
the uterus. I have good news - Surprise, Surprise! We
saw 2 embryo sacks. As of right now I am pregnant with
twins, it's very early in the pregnancy and things can
change unexpectedly, but right now I am walking on air.
To go from being infertile to carrying twins... I just
cant belive it.
I go back for another ultrasound in 2
weeks to see the heartbeats and hopefully everthing
will still look good. I will keep everyone posted.
Update - Sept 21, 2006
We did go back and saw the heartbeats and everything
looked great. The babies were growing, I didn't get
any morning sickness, I felt great but a little tired.
At week 9 on a Sunday evening we ended up at the local
emergency room. With no warning I felt a sharp pain
almost like something popped inside me, then nothing,
apprx 30 min later I started to pass bright red blood
and lots of it. I was beside myself. I thought oh my
gosh, this is it, its over!
Every book I read says if you pass bright
red and lots of it, you are misscarrying. Why would
I think any different? At the emergency room I was crying
uncontrollably, apoligizing to my husband for not being
able to give him children, asking God why this is happening
to me after all we had been through.
The Dr tells us we have to have an ultrasound
to see whats going on. I just knew it was not going
to be good. Unbelievably both babies were fine and both
had viable and strong heartbeats. How could this be?
My husband and I could not believe what we were seeing
on the screen, two little heartbeats. I asked why all
the bleeding? Whats going on? Is misscarriage eminent?
I was told I have a sub chorionic hemerage (subchorionic
hemorrhage - bleeding behind the placenta).
There's no meds, no vitamins, nothing that can be done
about the sch, it will either go away on its own or
I may bleed on and off through the entire pregnancy
or we could lose the pregnancy.
Feeling helpless we were sent home. Two
days later another bleed, back to the er, same thing,
two healthy heartbeats. Since then I have been placed
on bed rest and ultrasounds on a weekly basis. Two weeks
ago I was told I had another sch near the second baby
as well. My husband and I were deflated. But we were
told the babies are still growing, the heartbeats look
great, no blood supply is being cut off, so to concentrate
on these positives. Most recent ultrasound showed the
first sch is just about gone and the second sch is much
smaller so things look good right now, but what a scare!
I guess no one said this road was going
to be easy. We find out in a couple of weeks what the
sexes are, I am hoping for one of each and if so, I
am done. Next posting will be to tell you what we are
having. As for our scare, I am sure some of you have
gone through far worse and others not that bad but I
must say when the times looked the worst they really
were not, I only thought it was bad. Try to stay positive,
there are babies in heaven just waiting for all of us.
It does not matter how you get them or how they get
to you they are there waiting for us to be ready for
them in one way or another.
Update - Oct 18, 2006
My husband and I went for an ultrasound
to check on the sch (subchorionic hemmorage) and were
told both "bleeds" have completely healed
on their own and the babies look good. We are elated!
However it seems nothing is going to
be easy about this pregnancy. I have just found out
I have gestational diabetes and will have to start insulin
in the next few days and continue until the babies are
born. Just one more bump in this rocky road to parenthood.
What will they be??? girl or boy??
When we got our first sch and it was near the baby furthest
from my cervix (the baby on to, I call it) I thought
for sure that this baby must be a girl for all the trouble
she is causing and then because in every ultrasound
the lower baby was always moving so much i thought that
must be a boy. Well mother's instincts must have already
kicked in because I was right. We are having a boy and
a girl. We are going to have an instant family. How
excited our families are and we too are feeing just
Our due date is still feeling like a long
way off but every day that goes by we feel less and
less uneasy about the pregnancy. I am not scared all
the time and wondering what else is going to go wrong.
It seems with the infertility, sch, and now the gestational
diabetes there can't be much else that can happen but
who knows what's in store for us? All we can do is keep
plugging away and hope for the best. Hopefully the next
update will be that we have delivered our two little
angels and it won't be to tell you about another problem.
til then ...
Update - Nov 18, 2006
Well folks, nothing with this pregnancy
is going as expected. on Nov 10th, Friday, I went for
a routine ultrasound to check the babies, measure them
and check the cervix etc.. Well it seems my cervix is
close to non-existent. It dialated and is very short
as well as being softer than it should be as well as
the lower babies amniotic sack was funneling, which
means the amniotic sac was falling down into the cervix
and being exposed to bacteria and so forth they sent
me to the local hospital started an iv took blood samples
and took some cultures to see if i had any infections.
From there I was sent via ambulance to Boston MA to
the Brighams and Womens to see what they could do for
I was told I would probably need a stitch
in my cervix and would be home in a day or two at the
most. The stitch in the cervix is called a cerclage,
it sounds so French, but let me tell you it's all very
scary. Friday night we stayed and it was not looking
good, I was only 22 weeks and 1 day so there is no chance
of survival if the babies are to come and at 24 weeks
its only a 50/50 chance for survival. They told me if
my cervix dilated more or if there was infection then
there was nothing they could do. The drs checked again
on Sat morning and the cervix was the same and no signs
of infection so things looked good for the cerclage.
This entire time they have me head down and feet up
in the bed its called Trandellenberg and it is not in
the least bit comfortable! I still had not been upright
since Friday morning, so when they administered the
spinal I was on my side, which made it difficult to
do. It took 3 people 3 tries each to get the spinal
in. Finally it took and the dr started the cerclage,
after about 15 min the dr came around and told me there
was so much funneling he didn't think he could get the
cervix stitched without breaking the amniotic sac. He
tried and succeded. I thank God it was a success.
Monday evening at around 8pm we were home.
No medication to take, just the instructions of bed
rest until the babies come... what? Til they come? We
are not due until March 15th?? Well, stay in bed until
then or until the babies come - whichever comes first.
Well today it has been 1 week since the cerclage and
I have snuck to my computer to send this update and
to check my mail.
It's been a very long road for my husband
and me. It was very difficult getting pregnant but I
never thought it would be so hard to stay pregnant,
with all we have gone through I can't help but think
better days are ahead. And, oh yeah, my baby shower
is tomorrow. I get to stay in bed while my husband goes
and enjoys himself on our behalf. Hopefully this is
my last update until the babies come and we are hoping
for them to arrive anytime in 2007. By then I will be
at least 30 weeks and the chance of having healthy babies
is much better. Everyone please say a prayer for me
and my babies. We need all the help we can get. Hopefully
no more bumps in the road for us - the best I can hope
for in the future is some sleepless nights being up
with "the twins".
Update - Nov 28, 2006
Well folks, here I am again with yet another bump in
the road however this one is much larger than all the
rest. At around 1:30 in the morning on Friday, the day
after Thanksgiving, I found myself wide awake with what
I thought was gas. I tried to releive the pressure I
was feeling but nothing was working. Pains and cramps
all over my lower abdomen. I was praying the cerclage
was ok and hoping my water wasn't about to rupture.
We went to the local emergency room and
got hooked up to monitors to check for the babies and
to see if I was having contractions. We were still very
hopeful at the time, seeing as though there was no blood
and no contractions were showing up on the monitors.
The nurse asked for a urine sample and when I gave it
to her i found blood, which meant that the cerclage
was probably failing and I was dialating against it.
By now, I was feeling contractions every 4 to 5 minutes
and they were getting stronger. they gave me meds via
iv as well as a shot to stop the contractions, however
the contractions only calmed down for about 15 minutes
or so and then they were back to the 4 to 5 minutes
and very strong. They also gave me a shot to help the
babies lungs mature if they were to be delivered soon.
At this time, the decision to transfer
me to Boston was made. They were only waiting to see
if I should be flown via helicopter or taken by ambulance.
Off to Boston, Brigham and Womens I went via ambulance.
Things moved very quickly once I got to Boston. The
cerclage was still in place however the contractions
were very strong and coming more frequently and I was
passing a lot of blood. The dr decided it was best for
the babies to be delivered and for the cerclage to come
out - there was just no way to stop the delivery at
When the dr took out the cerclage i went
from approximately 2cm immediately to 7cm dialated.
They administered an epidural and we waited for me to
dilate to 10cm. The decision was given to my husband
and me how we wanted to deliver the babies. It seems
the lower baby finally turned head down and the upper
baby was still transverse, if she didnt turn head down
we could lose her in the delivery by her head getting
caught if we went vaginally and if we went c-section
it may not be any better for her but it would be worse
for me. We finally decided on no c-section and what
will be will be. Finally we reached 10 cm at approximately
4:30 in the am and off to the operating room we went.
24 week babies is not what we wanted.
"This is not the way it should be," we kept
saying to each other. We tried to put our fears aside
and concentrate on getting the babies out. The boy came
out in just a few minutes and they whisked him off to
a team of 6 or so people to work on him, he responded
to their efforts and Andrew came into the world at 5:11
am on Nov 24th. His sister was now on deck to arrive
and thank God she turned and headed straight down head
first and was also whisked away to another team of 6
or so people to be worked on. She also responded to
their efforts and Ava arrived into the world at 5:21am,
10 minutes after her big brother and was taken off to
the nicu to be cared for.
Unbelieveably both had made it thru the
delivery and were alive. It was the first of many hurdles
to come but it was I think the biggest hurdle to make
it over. I passed the first placenta and had a difficult
time passing the second. They did a d and c and I lost
lots of blood - I needed 4 units of blood and 2 units
of plasma. I left the operating room sometime around
9pm I was very groggy so I am not 100% sure on that
time. I was then dischargd on Monday and today, Tuesday
Nov 28th, I am on my way back to Boston to check on
my little ones. Andrew's weight was 1.6 and Ava was
1.9. It seems they are doing pretty well for 24 weeks
and the problems they have are not major so my husband
and Ii are thankful. The next 3 months or so will be
the longest of our lives, I am sure, but every day that
goes by is a blessing.
It's a long long haul in front of us and
it seems like the last 3 or 4 years to get here is a
dream. All I can do now is focus on what's ahead and
the health of our children. Guess what? I am finally
a mom. It wasnt going to be until March but hey, I'll
take it. These babies need me now more than ever and
God willing they will be home with us soon enough and
healthy too... Thanks to all who have followed my journey
and keep the good thoughts coming by. No way are my
children "out of the woods". I will still
continue to update until my two little ones come home.
Update - Dec 19, 2006
Tomorrow Dec 20th I would be 28 weeks
pregnant, but instead I have 2 tiny babies in the NICU
at Brigham and Womens hosp in Boston. They are both
doing relatively well. No birth defects, no problems
with their brains either. They both have gone thru surgery
on their hearts, Ava had PDA ( patent ductus arteriosis)
and they placed a clip on it on day 7 and 2 weeks to
the day later, her brother Andrew decided he wanted
the same surgery as his little sister. They both came
thru with flying colors and things are looking good
It's day 26 for them today and they are
still very small but they are growing, they both still
weigh under 2 lbs each but that will change with time.
Seeing as though we were not due til March, it's going
to be a long time before we even think about bringing
our children home, so they have plenty of time to grow
before coming home. My husband and I have come so far
from infertility to being pregnant then with all the
problems we had to have 2 tiny micro preemie babies,
our long dream of becoming parents has finally arrived
however not as we expected it.
Our happy little family we so yearned
for seems so close yet so far away. Tomorrow is another
day and we both hope for the best and each day I pray
and thank God for what we have and hope that maybe today
is the day I finally get to hold either my son or daughter
I so desperatly wished for. So many people have expressed
concern and have extended their thoughts and prayers
and we so appreciate it all. I hope to update again
soon with some good news on the twins and thank you
all for your thoughts and prayers.
Update - Jan 11, 2007
Update to the ongoing saga....
Finally some good news to report. I got
the best present just before Christmas! My husband and
I went in to visit the babies on Dec 22nd and I was
surprised to find out the nurses had my son all set
up to "kangaroo" with me, which means i get
to hold my son on my bare chest (skin to skin) for at
least an hour. I was thrilled yet a little scared too.
Well he settled right in and cozied up to me and fell
right to sleep. I cried and my husband cried we were
so happy, pictures were taken and nurses from all over
came to congratulate me on this happy day for us. Believe
it or not, more good news, on Dec 24th we were in for
another surprise, I got to hold my daughter, what wonderful
Christmas presents I received this year.
My husband thought it was important for
me to hold the babies first, thinking it may help with
my milk production. Even though I felt selfish, I still
enjoyed it beyond words can say. Well, on Dec 30th and
31st my husband got his turn to hold our children. He
was the proudest daddy on the earth when he got to hold
his son for the first time and then the next day to
hold his little girl. Looking back now, the babies have
come a long way, they have doubled their weight and
should see 3lbs soon. Both are healthy and each day
they seen stronger and stronger. There are no longer
any needles or iv lines sticking out of them only "leads"
which are held on by tape to check their temp or oxygen
Today is Thursday and the babies are now
31 weeks old and have been on the "outside"
for 7 weeks now. They have come a long way and have
a long way to go but things look good. Finally some
good news for anyone that may be following my story.
Thanks again for the well wishes and I hope to update
again soon with more good news.
Update - Feb 2, 2007
Ten long weeks have passed since the arrival
of my twins. Its been 2 months now and things are going
well. Andrew was taken off of the ventilator and placed
on cpap- it helps keep a constant pressure in the lungs
so they never fully deflate - it makes it easier for
him to breathe. He was on it for a little bit and now
he has moved to just a low flow of oxygen administered
through the nose prongs everyone is so familiar with.
He weighs nearly 4lbs now, he is at 3lbs 10oz as of
today. My husband and I are no longer "kangarooing"
with Andrew, we are now holding him swaddled in a blanket
just like a full term baby! I gave him a real bath just
2 days ago. I can't believe how well he is doing.
His sister Ava is also doing well, she
was moved from the ventilator to cpap which she is still
on but at a low setting. She should move to the nose
prongs soon. Ava is at 3lbs 13oz as of today. Ava is
a little more delicate than her brother. She doesn't
like a lot of noise or to be bothered once she has settled
in. Seems like I might have my hands full with this
little princess and I couldn't be happier. Both children
are maintaining their own body temperature and should
be out of the isolette and into a "crib" soon.
They are both still in the icu but soon should be moved
to an intermediate area and from there the next step
is coming home. I will continue with
the updates, more good news to come I hope.
- April 27, 2007
Some great news! As of March 30th, my
son Andrew made his first appearance at our home when
he was released from the hospital. Previously he had
been on cpap and then moved to high flow oxygen then
to low flow and was taken off completely, he began feeding
from a bottle and gaining weight steadily.The day we
took him home was one of the happiest days of recent
in our lives. After 127 days in the nicu he finally
came home. We are thrilled at his progress since as
well are his doctors, he has been gaining apprx 1oz
per day which the dr says is right on schedule, at the
last weigh in he weighed 8lbs 11oz.
Ava is still in the hospital I am sorry
to say, she also was on cpap then moved to high flow
oxygen and is currently on low flow oxygen but a very
small amount and she now weighs over 9lbs. Ava has other
issues as well, she has severe reflux which causes her
to "spell" which means her heart rate drops
and the oxygen saturation in her blood drops as well
and she turns a dusky color, its just horrible to watch
and very scary as well. She currently is being fed by
an "ng tube" which is a tube placed in the
nose, down the throat and into the stomach. This is
the way she gets her nourishment, however, due to the
severe case of reflux they have moved the tube past
the stomach and into the small intestine which helps
to alleviate the reflux and cut down on the spells.
As of last thursday Ava was transfered out of the nicu
and to a rehab facility . Hopefully this is going to
be just what she needs and she can get on track to come
home. They are already begining to offer her bottles
and pt and ot are already working with her. Ava didnt
make it home for easter as I thought she might but she
WILL be coming home, when? I don't know. But she will
come home and that's what's important. All those days
ago when they were born I wasn't even sure they were
going to make it but now its not IF they come home,
its just WHEN and with Andrew home now we are halfway
there and the light at the end of the tunnel is getting
brighter every day.
I hope to update soon on Ava's anticipated
arrival at our home.
- May 27, 2007
The final chapter of a long saga.... update
to existing story.... after spending 179 days between
the nicu at the hospital and then going to rehab, I
am very proud to say that my daughter Ava Marie has
finally joined her brother at home. On May 22nd we brought
her home with a low flow of oxygen and 2 different monitors
to measure oxygen saturation and apnea. She is doing
very well (as is her brother) Ava is currently 11lbs
3oz, she has come a very long way from that little tiny
1lb 9oz. I am truly amazed when I look at her. Andrew
has not been weighed recently but we did an "at
home" weight with our own scale and he is about
12lbs, give or take a few ounces. It's hard to believe
he weighed just 1lb 6oz at birth.
I dont know if my husband and I really
realize just how lucky we are to have these two babies
that were so very small and so very sick finally come
home. Now, even with the monitors and the oxygen and
the medications etc., we can start to feel like a complete
family - no more "visiting" the hospital or
the rehab - our babies are home where they belong and
we are now a complete family. after the years "trying"
and then the weeks and months after they arrived its
just now begining to feel like a "real family"
. Thanks to all who have followed my story and I will
update on how the "twins" are doing in the
- Aug 13, 2007
The babies are doing well Ava is now off
of the oxygen and is down to just 2 medications. Both
babies now weigh a whopping 15+ pounds! Can you believe
I just want to end this by saying this forum provided
me with an outlet, a place to vent and a feeling that
someone was listening to me that actually knew what
I was going through. It helped me through some tough
times, I kept thinking if my story helps just one other
person out there then it is worth it. Now, however,
my story has outgrown this website, happily I no longer
have an infertility story, my infertility story has
changed to something else... a family story... a long
one with a very bumpy start. I hope that everyone who
is searching finds the answers they are looking for
and if anyone wishes to continue and follow my story
please do so. All are welcome, just as i felt welcomed
Thank you to everyone and God Bless.