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Paige's Story

My husband played around with idea of starting a family in 1997 so in 1999 I had quit taking my birth control pills. After a few months I decided to go to an OBGYN just to check everything out. I knew that it was common to take several months to get pregnant. My doctor immediately said "We need to see your husband." They ran some tests on me and determined that everything was fine, then they received the results from my husband's test. And the conclusion was that we needed to seek an infertility doctor.

We went to the infertility clinic and they explained the different procedures that they offer but they wanted to run their own test on my husband to determine the correct course of action. It was determined that we would need to do IVF and that "it's no big deal we will get you pregnant no problem". We of course were stunned as we were starting out where most end up but felt confident in the doctor.

For several different reasons we waited a year to begin the treatment. We did our first IVF in Feb. 2000, the first one failed because the sperm could not penetrate the eggs and they were not prepared for that. So now we needed to pursue the ICSI treatment. Once again we felt confident that the doctor knew what he was doing and he made it sound simple enough that we did again right away. The 2nd attempt was a failure as well.

My husband who at that time was a fisherman in Alaska, had left just as we received the results for the 2nd IVF and would not be home for several months. So we put it on the back burner, when he returned in the fall we decided to take our files and go to another clinic. They basically said that they couldn't improve the chances and would probably increase the medications to increase the egg production.

As you are well aware it is very hard on a marriage and the focus on having a child becomes so intense that it is very difficult to get past no matter how much you may want to. It is almost like an addiction and I kept waiting for someone to stop me.

I was fortunate in many ways that we actually knew several couples who had had infertility problems so we didn't feel quite so alone. However, they were also all successful in having children.

I was so torn between not wanting to go thru the physical and mental atrocities that went along with yet another IVF cycle, that I finally broke down and told my husband that I did not want to do it again. But that I was so afraid that the underlying resentment in whatever form it might take would end our marriage. I had watched family members do the roller coaster ride of adoption and just couldn't bring myself to that place, not when I was healthy enough to have a child.

My husband at first was hurt and a bit angry, but he talked to the doctor and gave it a lot of thought. Finally he came to the conclusion that maybe there was a reason that this was happening. We also were seeing a pattern on the paternal side of the family so we were concerned that if it were a boy that it could be passed on as well. The question (jokingly) became do we set up a college fund and an infertility fund?

We opted to try the DI program and unfortunately or maybe fortunately we were limited to donors due to my blood type. We also found that it was much, much less expensive -- although the ups and downs were definitely more on-going because you did it every month. Finally on our 4th try we were successful and the following year we had a healthy beautiful boy. The most amazing thing was how my son immediately recognized his father's voice.

My son is now 3 and dearly loves his father. I laugh at how many people say how much they look alike and that his mannerisms are just like his fathers'. My husband is 6"3 with light brown/blonde hair and blue eyes, my son is very short with a head full of dark hair and blueish-green eyes.

When I was pregnant I remember thinking that I would need to be the one who was responsible for this child, sort of like talking your parents into a dog. I didn't want to burden my husband with him because I just didn't know how he would feel. Thank goodness I was wrong, my husband is an incredible caregiver and father. Actually better than a lot of biological fathers that I know.

I believe that when the time is right we will tell our son. I am very proud of my husband and hope that my son feels the same way when that time comes. Neither of us is ashamed or embarrased, this was apparently the way it was meant to be. We love our son very much and can hope that that is enough for him.

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