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Rebecca's Story
Posted Nov 4, 2008

My husband and I have been married for seven years and our daughter is now three and a half. For most people we must look like the perfect family unit but trying to get here has taken so much energy out of me that sometimes I don't know if I have the ability to carry on trying to give her a sibling. I hate the days when I am cross with her because I always remember how much of a void she has filled in my life . I wonder if I will ever be able to explain to her how much she was wanted by her parents. I thought that after our first miscarriage I would be able to get pregnant again, but after two years of trying unsuccessfully I was put on clomid. No reason given by my doctor except she thought I needed to get pregnant (I think she was concerned by my emotional state) It did not work, I felt ill and still did not ovulate regularly - once in three months of very high doses of Clomid. So we gave up, I threw myself into a new job, somehow we managed to get pregnant three months after stopping Clomid.

Everyone said that I had just needed to relax, there is some truth in that but it was such an understatement and it meant that the responsibility for not getting pregnant was all on my emotional state, which equals guilt for not being the type of woman who can just relax. Also it took away from the fact that we did actually have a fertility problem. Now I think back and wonder why I didn't ask more questions.

I did go back to the doctor after my daughter turned one, I had irregular periods but blood tests were within the normal range. I was having periods every 30 -60 days, again I was told to relax. I could not lose any baby weight but just thought things would settle down. I suppose I did not want to be wasting everyone's time, but I did want another baby. Eventually I changed doctors and have just been diagnosed with PCOS - although I do not fit the typical profile and have had a child so most doctors would overlook PCOS. I have been on a diet for the
last three months and now am thinking hard about trying fertility treatments. I am scared of going down this route because it means revisiting the feelings that go with addressing your fertility.

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