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Suzanna's Story
Posted August 3, 2005

About 2 years ago my father had to have a triple heart bypass. He has always had bad health, but this time it was really serious. His prognosis didn't look good even though he made it through the surgery.

My mother called me one day while he was still in the hospital and said she needed to talk to me privately. I didn't really think anything of it. She came to my house and my husband and 3 kids left for about an hour while we talked. She and my father had always told me that they had a hard time getting pregnant and that "to conceive" the doctor "saved" my Dad's sperm for 3 months and then used it to get my mom pregnant. This always seemed strange, but I didn't question how I was conceived.

What she told that day was a complete shock. She said that my dad had sent her over to talk with me and tell me the truth because he didn't want me to find out from someone else, if he died. She said that after several months of testing it was determined that my father could not have children of his own. Back then they didn't have the science and technology they have today. He had a high fever with the mumps when he was 5. They then decided to use a sperm donor. And in late January 1974 they did just that and she became pregnant with me.

I just started crying. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Things like this don't happen to me. All I could think was, I'm not who I think I am. Who am I? Where do I come from? What is my heritage? Do I have any brothers or sisters? (I'm an only child) What does my biological father look like? The questions were endless. I felt as if someone had taken my father away from me. I felt completely separated from him. Then at once I had this enormous amount of newfound respect for him. I thought that he was quite a strong and devoted husband and father to do this. I never in my previous 28 years (at the time) ever doubted for one second that he wasn't my father or that I wasn't his daughter. I always had people question me "why I didn't look like him", but I just wrote it off as a "lack of genes" so to speak.

I wanted to search for my biological father, but I didn't want to hurt my Dad. He was very ashamed of this and was afraid that I wouldn't want to talk to him anymore. This was not the case at all. My parents had never spoken of this with anyone else. Any member of her family or his. No one knew. And all I wanted to do was talk to someone about this. I was terrified of talking to him about it. But, I still wanted to know where I came from. I decided not to search for my answers at that time. I just wanted to close in the distance that was between us (my father and I). I can't tell you how much it hurt to know that I didn't come from him. I have been a Daddy's girl my whole life and didn't want to feel that separation.

Then, January 11th this year my Dad died. He had many, many health problems. Most of which are hereditary. This gave me some relief knowing that chances are my biological father didn't have the same problems for me to inherit. Now, I am starting my search for the answers I seek to find. I don't know if my Dad would be disappointed in me or not, but I feel I have a right to know. Unfortunately, this is not easy. Most sperm donors choose to be anonymous. I'm still looking for my truth.

BTW, (by the way) I just recently did my 3rd oocyte (egg) donation. I can't tell you how rewarding it is to be able to help someone who couldn't have children of their own. After all, If it weren't for my "sperm donor" I wouldn't be here.


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