Posted August 3, 2005
About 2 years ago my father had to have
a triple heart bypass. He has always had bad health,
but this time it was really serious. His prognosis didn't
look good even though he made it through the surgery.
My mother called me one day while he
was still in the hospital and said she needed to talk
to me privately. I didn't really think anything of it.
She came to my house and my husband and 3 kids left
for about an hour while we talked. She and my father
had always told me that they had a hard time getting
pregnant and that "to conceive" the doctor
"saved" my Dad's sperm for 3 months and then
used it to get my mom pregnant. This always seemed strange,
but I didn't question how I was conceived.
What she told that day was a complete
shock. She said that my dad had sent her over to talk
with me and tell me the truth because he didn't want
me to find out from someone else, if he died. She said
that after several months of testing it was determined
that my father could not have children of his own. Back
then they didn't have the science and technology they
have today. He had a high fever with the mumps when
he was 5. They then decided to use a sperm donor. And
in late January 1974 they did just that and she became
pregnant with me.
I just started crying. I couldn't believe
what I was hearing. Things like this don't happen to
me. All I could think was, I'm not who I think I am.
Who am I? Where do I come from? What is my heritage?
Do I have any brothers or sisters? (I'm an only child)
What does my biological father look like? The questions
were endless. I felt as if someone had taken my father
away from me. I felt completely separated from him.
Then at once I had this enormous amount of newfound
respect for him. I thought that he was quite a strong
and devoted husband and father to do this. I never in
my previous 28 years (at the time) ever doubted for
one second that he wasn't my father or that I wasn't
his daughter. I always had people question me "why
I didn't look like him", but I just wrote it off
as a "lack of genes" so to speak.
I wanted to search for my biological
father, but I didn't want to hurt my Dad. He was very
ashamed of this and was afraid that I wouldn't want
to talk to him anymore. This was not the case at all.
My parents had never spoken of this with anyone else.
Any member of her family or his. No one knew. And all
I wanted to do was talk to someone about this. I was
terrified of talking to him about it. But, I still wanted
to know where I came from. I decided not to search for
my answers at that time. I just wanted to close in the
distance that was between us (my father and I). I can't
tell you how much it hurt to know that I didn't come
from him. I have been a Daddy's girl my whole life and
didn't want to feel that separation.
Then, January 11th this year my Dad died.
He had many, many health problems. Most of which are
hereditary. This gave me some relief knowing that chances
are my biological father didn't have the same problems
for me to inherit. Now, I am starting my search for
the answers I seek to find. I don't know if my Dad would
be disappointed in me or not, but I feel I have a right
to know. Unfortunately, this is not easy. Most sperm
donors choose to be anonymous. I'm still looking for
BTW, (by the way) I just recently did my 3rd oocyte
(egg) donation. I can't tell you how rewarding it is
to be able to help someone who couldn't have children
of their own. After all, If it weren't for my "sperm
donor" I wouldn't be here.