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Tanya's Story
Posted February 7, 2005

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over 3 years.

Years ago, after trying for a year without success, my husband was sent to a urologist. We found out that he had a cyst that was blocking his ejaculatory ducts and it had to be removed. The surgery was not successful. He now has what is called retrograde ejaculation which means that when he ejaculates his sperm backs up into his bladder. Because his bladder neck does not contract, his sperm only comes out when urinating. This is not a common side effect of the surgery.

My husband fell into a deep depression and we even separated for a year. We have now been back together for 3 1/2 years and have been trying all that time and still no success. We have done 7 IUIs and an additional 3 using clomid. Our doctor wants to move on to IVF, but we simply can't afford it -- neither one of us want to go into debt trying to get pregnant. We just bought our first home, a perfect starter home to raise kids in. We can't afford adoption either. We paid all the costs of the IUIs out of our pocket. It may not be a lot of money to some, but it was for us - our insurance plan doesn't cover any infertility expenses!

Our only hope now is a sperm donor. My husband is having a hard time dealing with this idea. I want to experience pregnancy just as many women do...

Is there anyone who has used a sperm donor whose husband had a hard time with the situation? My husband thinks that we won't love the child because it is not biologically his. I have tried to explain to him that genetics isn't all of what makes you a father and I don't know what to do to help him. Our local chapter support group, Resolve, has meetings monthly but they are for women only... I think this is stupid considering that infertility affects men as well.

Recommended reading: Helping the Stork: The Choices and Challenges of Donor Insemination

Here are some responses received (published with permission):

Carrie's story
Katie's story
Anna's story

Find out more about sperm donation.

 

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