Posted April 3, 2005
My first pregnancy was a big surprise
and I was so excited.
I was eighteen and engaged to a horrible
man but yet the baby was my ray of hope. My fiance was
a very abusive and hated children. I felt like I would
never be able to get away from him. I became pregnant
in April of 2002 with my first child. My fiance and
I were on the rocks but he wouldn't let me leave the
relationship. Five months went by and my stomach began
to grow. I couldn't believe I was having a baby. In
September of 2002 my fiance at the time came home and
was upset about something that I can't even remeber.
He was slamming things around and throwing things at
me. I curled up into a little ball trying to protect
my innocent child. In the end, that night would be one
of our last together. My fiance kicked my in the stomach
several times. I can remember the pain I felt as if
it was yeterday. I left the house that evening and went
and stayed with my parents. They vowed I would never
go back and they would do anything they could to protect
Two days later I went into labor early
and there was nothing they could do. My baby was born
too early, they could not save him. My poor inoccent
child died at the hands of a person who didn't want
him anyway. I spent several months crying and trying
to move on with my life.
In January of 2003 I met my husband at
the college I was attending. He was very understanding
of what had happened and let me take things very slowly.
At Easter he asked me to be his wife. It was one of
the happiest days of my life.
We knew that we wanted to have a family
together, he loves children as much as I do. We started
to try but nothing happened. In September 2003 we were
married. We were sure then that we wanted to start our
family. We went to the doctor who told us everything
was fine. I was very healthy and so was my husband.
We became pregnant in Feburary of 2004
but at 8 weeks, I miscarried. We waited, but to our
surprise, we became pregnant in March only to lose that
baby in early April.
The doctor assured us that nothing was
wrong -- that we tried too soon after the first miscarriage
and that we should wait a few months and try again.
We did and became pregnant in June of 2004. To our great
disappointment, we lost that one too, in July. We decided
to take a break from trying. It was becoming too hard
to bear. The doctor wouldn't run any tests, he kept
telling us everything was fine.
In January I went to a different doctor
for my yearly checkup. The tests he ran showed that
my progesterone levels were extremely low -- that's
what was causing me to miscarry... It was a relief to
know that it wasn't something that I had done and that
I could stop blaming myself. They have just prescibed
our first treatment of clomid. Hopefully this will give
us the baby or our dreams.